Need or Want. Having to do something or Wanting to? No-brainer because you have options? Or do you feel trapped by the need to “have to”?
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In the last few weeks’ articles I spoke of the end of the year in terms of applying our learning from looking back into what we want to achieve differently looking forward.
I sensed that while many of you could relate logically, harnessing the emotional energy to actually engage in defining and making that change happen is possibly another matter, right? And perhaps some of you have set some goals now and find you’re struggling with Procrastination. Why?
Fear of Change
Any change is usually perceived to be difficult. Why? Because we are unsure how we will be able to cope with what is at first unfamiliar. It’s outside of “The Comfort Zone” and we have to risk “Finding The Edge” before we can manage it “safely” which is exactly what our left brain strives to do: prevent us from having a go, so we don’t fail. My experience has been that this is also exactly what prevents most people from setting goals. Because it seeks a commitment to navigate unsafe territory, one that can result in failing, and so in many cases they choose to be safe and just rather not.
And so the coaching conversation often has to focus on overcoming those fears, and to help the person to allow the energy that the “Prize” generates to build momentum that overcomes the fear of the “Price”. It often also comes down to “Attitude Determines Altitude“.
Need or Want: Difficult and Possible
This is where I test people’s attitude and commitment by differentiating the use of the 2 words: difficult and possible.
Some say: “it may be difficult, but it is possible” and plan having a go. Others say: “it may be possible, but it’s too difficult” and give up.
Need or Want: Price versus Prize
Another example is a further 2 words differentiating “need” from “want“.
Wanting something usually has a personal or emotional driver behind it that gives the task or initiative much more energy as well as better enabling the creation and maintaining of any momentum.
This is about whether you focus more on the “Price” (that is the cost or what you need to or have to do) versus the “Prize” (as in what outcome you really want). (The Price and the Prize). Having to do something tastes like a chore, doesn’t it? Nobody likes having or needing to do something, as that insinuates being forced to, or not really having any choice. But think about when you have something ahead of you that you really love and enjoy doing. Quite a different energy, right?
Like my grandson’s response to being “asked” to pack up his toys, (have to) compared to when asked if he wants to go and play with his cousins. In the latter case (want to) it’s an enthusiastic case of: “mum, where are my sandals“, and off we go, not so?
Need or Want: Cool or Desperate?
Another perspective is when I’m coaching a client in preparation for a job interview, where we usually emphasize how important it is not to be seen to really need that job (or even to being desperate for it). Ahead of that we will often also have tested the presence of any wealth strategy (as in what they kept) beyond the more conventional focus only on what income (as in what they made) and being dependent on just one income. I wrote about this in depth in “It’s not what you make – it’s what you keep“. Why? Because with alternate income sources, they come across so much more confident. They (may) want the role. They don’t need it.
Need or want: Are You Game To Try?
So what is it going to take for you to overcome any fears and try something different for next year? You know, just a few key goals around perhaps 2 or 3 important changes you want to make that will allow you to look back this time next year in satisfaction, rather than in regret.
That’s all it will take. Choosing to influence your thinking and choosing to have a go. My hundreds of clients will attest to that. Are you game to try?
Questions? Go on, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s have a chat.